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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
It’s been a while, I know. I plead apathy. This should get you caught up. I present … Conversations: 10:45pm, in an Arco supermart off De Soto Ave and the 405 Creepy Gas Station Guy: So, did you just get off work? Me: Um, no, I’m on my way down to San Diego CGSG: It’s late. You driving alone? Me: (lying) No, my friend is in the car. CGSG: Oh, cause if you were I’d totally come along. Me: … CGSG: No, really. I’d close the joint up and hop in the back seat. My Brain: Back seat. Holy Christ. Is that a serial killer Freudian slip? Me: (running for the door) Have a nice evening! At SAT verbal tutor training, somewhere around hour 4 ½ Instructor: Okay, so the first thing you’re going to have them do is figure out the part of speech of the word they don’t know by looking at its corresponding answer choices. My Brain: laaaaaa … I wonder if anyone would notice if I stole a starburst from that guy across the table …. better not risk it, I think the instructor is looking at me. Instructor: Anne? Me: Wha? Huh? Instructor: What part of speech is “Anger” is this case? My Brain: Oh god, think, think … why did you sleep through this part of fourth grade… Me: uhhhhh My Brain: Oh no, pressure kicking in. None of these words are clicking! Skill, question, laughter, language, shoe … Goddamn you parts of speech! Think fast! Me: I … oh, god, I’m sorry. Instructor: (patronizingly) It’s okay, take your time. Me: Shoe! My brain: Stupid! That’s not a part of speech! Me: Shoe is a noun, therefore Anger is a noun here. Instructor: (chuckles) Why so it is. My Brain: Way to go, moron. Sitting on a bench in the middle of a random shopping center in Marina Del Rey, on my cell phone “So how have things been this weekend?” “Eh. You missed major Blockbuster drama.” “Oh, did the theft situation get resolved?” “The what?” “Did D*** get fired?” “Well, not yet but he punched out a customer, so it can’t be too far in the future.” “He what!?” “Punched out a customer.” “Oh my god. In the store?” “No, outside. And he confessed to B**** that he has been short changing customers.” “Well that was stupid of him.” “I know. And he claims that he and the Boss split $50 out of the till.” “Oh, yeah right. Boss would never—“ “Well it’s not like he cares, he’s transferring to New York.” “Wait, what?” “Boss, he’s moving to New York in the Middle of September.” “Are you serious?” “Yep.” “When did this all happen!? My last shift was Thursday. It is now Tuesday.” “Yeah, it’s been a busy weekend.” “I am never leaving town again.” In a dark car barreling down the 405. I am the only one in the car so this would be a conversation with … myself. “Shit.” “Oh, what now?” “I totally just passed an ambulance.” “So?” “So, I’m going 85 with one hand in a bag of chips, so.” “Super.” “Can ambulances pull you over? I mean, they have lights.” “I … don’t know. I don’t think so.” “Yeah, I know, me neither, but if there were like a policeman on board could he commandeer an ambulance and pull you over for speeding?” “Why would there be a policeman in an ambulance?” “Um, maybe he was in an accident.” “So, this hypothetical Policeman was in an accident bad enough to require an ambulance but he sits up just in time to notice you zooming merrily along, tears the IV out of his arm and takes the wheel and your question is, could he pull you over for speeding?” “Yeah.” “Probably yes.” At a Jack-In-The-Box drive through window, 11:45pm “Hi, I’ll have a #6 with curly fries.” “kkkth We don’t have curly fries.ktthxxx” “ … and a large root be—you what?” “We don’t have kkkth curly fries.” “You don’t have curly fries?” “No, sir.” “I’m a ma’am!” “I’m sorry kkkthxx sir, we’re out of curly fries!” “How can you be out of curly fries!” “kkkth Out! I said we’re out!” “Oh, all right then. I’ll have the regular fries, I guess.” “kkkth… That was a #6?” “Yes. With curly fries.” “Sir! We have no kkkthxing curly fries!” “I know, I thought it was worth one last try.” 12:39 a.m. August 05, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
Worried by The fact that I just walked upstairs and saw one of my new housemates standing on her desk chair slowly revolving in circles for no apparent reason. Good Reads
Tomato Nation Fun
Television Without Pity Games
Copter Game Useful |
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