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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
Guess what! [Internet: What?] I don’t have Tuberculosis. Actually, to be more accurate, I have been “cleared for student teaching on the basis of tests indicating that [I] do not have active tuberculosis.” That dormant tuberculosis though, well that’s another story. It’s been a weird few days; I’m feeling very much like a criminal. See, I’m getting prepped to do this volunteer teaching so that I have classroom experience so that all those graduate credentialing programs I’m going to be applying to don’t shred my application before reading it. To qualify for the program (Teacher’s Education Program, or TEP from now on) I had to first sign a sheet indicating that I had not been convicted of any major crimes. I had to sign to the following statements: “I have not been determined to be a sexual psychopath…” “I am free from any contagious or communicable disease…” “I have never been convicted of any controlled substance offense…” I then had to get fingerprinted. Try opening up a conversation with that one sometime. “What did you do today honey?” “Well mom, I had to go to the police station to get fingerprinted. Then I watched the Olympics.” It was pretty interesting actually, I was waiting in the … lobby? of the police station listening to the deputies answer phones over the crackling ebb and flow of the scanner. “Ok sir, and how much money was in the bag?” kkkkk … suspect is northbound…kk “A thousand dollars in a bank bag? And the front door was unlocked? For how long?” kkk … in progress. Code 509 … and ½… “No ma’am this isn’t the animal shelter, but I can give you their emergency number if your cat is in pain.” kkkk … suspect is wearing a black t-shirt and G-string…. (Did the scanner just say…?) Kkkk … repeat, suspect attired in a t-shirt and G-string… (Oooookay…) “No sir, I’m sorry I don’t speak Spanish. Let me transfer you.” When I finally got into the fingerprinting room I was faced with an array of electronic equipment. Was I totally naïve to think that they still used ink? Of course they don’t. They scanned all of my fingers in by a process that I can only describe as some type of really high tech photocopy. I was really frustrating the technician. Apparently my hands are very warm and moist (ew, thanks) and she had to keep wiping them off to get the machine to read. So then, fingerprinted and tuberculosis free I’m feeling like a model citizen until, on my way home from a late inventory last night (at about 3am) I get pulled over for the first time ever. I’m a little freaked. Oh Christ. I just got fingerprinted. What if something went wrong and they now think I’m a mugger named Lupe? The officer probably could have gotten me for speeding (I always speed) but it turned out he had pulled me over (quite literally right in front of my apartment) because of a broken headlight which I hadn’t noticed. I only got a fix-it ticket and the officer was quite nice about it, but daaaaamn did it take him a long time to run my license and registration, or whatever it is that they do when they go back to your car and leave you sitting there. He tells me, “Remain in your vehicle.” And of course, I immediately have to go pee like nobody’s business. 150 yards away from my bathroom. So close, and yet never farther. I’m just sitting there, wondering what the hell is taking so long? Is he getting like a full print out on the gum I stole from Vons at age 5? It took forever but went okay, even though (eek!) I now have a court date. He didn’t call me Lupe once. So those are my interesting (and oddly law enforcement filled) last few days. Aren’t I being good about updating? Good Anne. Stay. Sit. 3:33 p.m. August 18, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
Worried by The fact that I just walked upstairs and saw one of my new housemates standing on her desk chair slowly revolving in circles for no apparent reason. Good Reads
Tomato Nation Fun
Television Without Pity Games
Copter Game Useful |
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