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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
I’ve been throwing myself out into the great job hunting world for some time now (one can only work at Blockbuster for so long) and I keep running into positions that sound interesting but ...oh, “fax us your resume.” Problem 1: No fax machine Problem 2: No resume. Problem 1 is not being fixed anytime soon but a resume ... scary but manageable. Right? Ahh! Ok, not right. The thing was scary. I typed in “Resume format” onto google and got 565,000 query responses. Eep. Calm, calm. Works template, Works template is our friend. “Objective: your own entry goes here” What entry? I have no entry! That’s why I’m using the damn template. How could you fail me this way Works template? After all we’ve meant to one another. Objective: To get a job that is both interesting (so that I don’t start bonking my head into walls) and lucrative (so that I don’t have to eat canned beans for the next ten years.)” That about sums it up. “Qualifications: describe strengths and qualifications blah, blah, blah, ‘use action words to maximize the impact‘” Wait, what now? “Action words” Like ... “POW! KABLAAM! I can use Excel!” What the bloody hell are action words? *ring ring ring* “Mom, what are action words?” “Honey, what? It’s 11:30 at night. What are you talking about?” “Action words, you know, words with ... um, action.” “You mean like Batman? KABLOOEY?” “Hee. I love you for that Mom, but no. Good night.” *click* “ ...” Qualifications: * Dynamic public speaker (POW!) “Education: Degree obtained, school name.” Right, I can’t put high school, that just looks lame. But ... I have obtained no degrees yet. Damn it, I’m in no mans land here. Throw me a friggin’ bone will you Works template! Education: “Employment: Describe your job responsibilities. Include the specific results of your actions or decisions to demonstrate your contribution.” ... contribution? I work at Blockbuster. My contribution is not showing up drunk and wailing on some little old lady with a shoe when she asks me why she has a $4.30 late fee. Employment: And thus it went. I sat down and created my first resume. I feel the need to record that fact, kind of like a baby’s-first-resume type thing, but without the convenient spot to place my little foot print. What do you think. Would you hire me? 12:25 a.m. June 19, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
Worried by The fact that I just walked upstairs and saw one of my new housemates standing on her desk chair slowly revolving in circles for no apparent reason. Good Reads
Tomato Nation Fun
Television Without Pity Games
Copter Game Useful |
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