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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
Mother’s Day, May 9th, 2004, AnneFamily home, San Diego 9:30am: I wake up. Awww. Happy Mother’s Day mom. Hughughug. Now, I want you to have a nice relaxing day. We’ll take care of everything, just put your feet up. 9:52am: "What mom? Oh yeah, I’d love a bagel. Could you just pop it in the toaster, on low, and grab me the butter? Thanks." 9:53am: Crap. Mother’s day. Should have put in own bagel. I am a self-sufficient college student. I make my own food every day; I can handle bagel toasting. 10:00am: Put in my second load of laundry. 10:03am: Pop in girly movie, settle on couch to enjoy quality time with mom. 10:45am: Dad returns home from acupuncture, groans at sight of straw hats on the TV screen, retreats to the living room couch. 11:30am: Finish movie. In fit of Mother’s day delight I go out into yard to pick some roses for the table. “Hey Dad? Where’s an extra vase? These are all full.” Dad empties one out. “Thanks." 11:55am: Bzzz! Is that the dryer? Wow, did you move my clothes out of the washer, Mom? I didn’t even notice. Thanks! 11:56am: “Aah! Mooooom!!” “What!? What?” “Oh my god, my laundry is pink! How did this happen? I never do this!” “Right, well there’s some reds in here...” “I know. I’ve washed them all before though, they should have been fine. Aw man. My favorite shirt.” “Don’t worry honey. I’ll take care of it.” “Really? Can you? Thanks mom.” 12:10am: Oh ew. What on earth is that in the sink? “Hey, um mom, why is the sink filled with purplish standing water and ... leaves? Why are there le-- ohhhh” “Dad?” “Dad.” 12:11pm: “Well if you hadn’t put the flowers in the sink“ “Well if you hadn’t run the disposal.” “I did not! That must have been you too.” “... Oh.” 12:20pm “Dad! The plunger’s not working!” “Oh just leave it.” “Ok, if you insist. But we’d better be eating out tonight cause this sink is nasty. Did you make reservations anywhere?” “... uhh” 12:35pm: Give in to the futility of the sink and pop in another girly movie. 1:20pm: “Hey ma, um, I hate to mention it, Mothers day and all you know, but ... my laundry is still pink and ...” “I’ll get right on it.” “Thanks Ma.” 2:02pm: Stanko (Little Bro, age 16) finally strolls down stairs. Elbow in the ribs. “Psst. Mothers day.” Blank stare. 2:10pm: “So, Stanko, did you finish that essay last night.” “Uh, sure.” “Can I see it?” “Wellll... finished is kind of relative.” “WHAT!? You didn’t finish it!? If you don’t turn that in you’re not going to pass your standards, which means you wont pass sophomore year, which means you certainly wont be learning how to drive this summer. March up those stairs and get that essay done right now mister.” “Aw, mom.” “Get!” 2:45pm: “Where on earth is your brother? He’d better be writing that paper.” “Um, he’s not upstairs. Dad’s gone too.” “Well, what on earth...” “My guess is they’re shopping.” “For wha-- oh. Well, it’s about darn time.” “My thoughts exactly.” 3:02pm: Bzzz. Take de-pinked clothes out of dryer. “Wow mom. These look great. You rock. Thank you so much.” “Not a problem dear.” 3:30pm: The boys are back. Stanko walks through the kitchen (right past mom) with a Borders bag in hand. “Well, gee, way to keep the surprise alive, Lil Bro.” “What? I got myself some books.” “Right, nice try, that deserves the biggest eye roll in the history of eye rolls.” “I thought you gave me that yesterday.” “I did. This one is bigger.” 3:45pm: “Stanko, write your essay! And I mean now!” 4:02pm: “Mom are you ... folding my underwear? That’s really not necessary.” “I know.” 4:30pm: I run to RiteAid to get Drano. I also get wrapping paper and a card to help my severely ungreatful brother. The checkout person comments, “Drano, Liquid plumber and wrapping paper. That’s ... an interesting combination.” Yeah? What’s it to ya buddy? 5:15pm: Drain still not unclogged. No reservations to be had (Well duh, Dad,). “Hey, mom, how about if we get take-outs? I’ll drive!” 6:00pm: “Mom! I’m going to pick up dinner. Can I have some money?” 7:30pm: Presentation of the gifts. Mine is nicely wrapped in a pretty bag (I got her Love Actually, La Traviata, and the Clay Aiken CD. She’s a women of many tastes.) Stanko is holding his behind his back. (“I bought you gift wrap.” “I forgot, ok. Damn essay.”) 8:00pm: Waiting anxiously for Survivor to start I turn to my mom and say jokingly, “Wow, my laundry turned pink, the sink was clogged, Stanko didn’t do his homework and you paid for dinner. Nice Mother’s day, eh mom?” 8:01pm: “Actually it was very nice. Thank you for coming home, it was a wonderful surprise.” Awww. Ok, how much do I love this awesome woman? Way more than I could ever say. 5:41 p.m. May 11, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
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