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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
So, spring is here, this is the time of year when young men’s ... something ... turn to ... somethings of fancy. Or, whatever, I never remember that quote correctly. Actually, normally this is the time of year when you get a really long bitchy post from Anne about how horrible her allergies are and oh woe is me for my nose is clogged. This year, however, is one of the best years I’ve had in a long time allergy wise. I credit it all to the wonderfulness that is Claritin D 24hr (insert angelic chorus here.) God, that stuff is awesome. Way back in sophomore year of high school, which was the last time I tried Claritin, it put me to sleep like nobody’s business. It took me a while to notice because it first started happening in first period math with Mr. Schanback, (who totally reminded me of the teacher in Farris Bueller’s Day Off, “Anybody ... anybody ... Bueller?” ) and I just thought I had the good taste to be bored by geometry at 7:15 in the morning. It was when My APEC teacher started having to wake me up by throwing Koosh balls at my head that I knew that I needed to try a different medicine. Sadly enough, that meant I had to be awake in math class. Let me tell you, I have been through hell and back on the search for a good allergy medicine. I’ve had bad allergies (hay fever really) ever since I can remember. When I was little (from the age of one to four) we lived in a rental house in Mira Mesa (San Diego) and outside was this biiiig eucalyptus tree (it was gigantic to a four year old) and I had secret covetous dreams of a tree house. Every time the tree trimmers came to cut that thing down a notch I’d stand at the front door, nose pressed longingly to the screen mesh and watch as they carted away all the extra branches. Hey! Hey! No, don’t take that one, I need that one, It would be perfect for my fort! Yo, tree-cutter people, don’t you know there’s a kid living here? C’mon! Mooooom! But I never could have that cool tree fort, and not because my parents were big fat meanies either, but because every time I tried to make the house that eucalyptus built I would start sneezing my head off and have to go inside for a bath and a nap. “Bud Bom ... I’b ready nod sneding, ready I’b nod. I‘b jusd ... bery habby.” “Right, into the tub with you, bunny.” “Aw, Bo-oo-om.” So no tree fort for little Anne. Did you know that the only allergy medicine available for children under 6 is (or was at least) Benadryl. Gad that stuff was awful. It didn’t get any better once I got older. We tried every medicine known to man (and doctor) but nothing really seemed to work, and everything made me sleepy. The doctors never believed me. “It’s non-drowsy.” “Ok, but it made me sleepy.” “But, it’s non-drowsy, it can’t make you sleepy.” “Well it did.” “But --” “I know, ‘non-drowsy’, just prescribe something else, will you.” My personal theory (and I still think it’s a good one) was that I actually hovered so close to the brink of sleep at all times that it took only the tiniest little push to put me out. Hey, I was a teenager. We practically sleep walk until 3pm anyway. So the allergies never really got better. I have spring allergies, winter allergies, fall allergies, summer allergies. Allergies for all seasons and moods. Allergies in San Diego, allergies in Chicago and Iowa, allergies in Phoenix, really bad allergies in Davis (reason #246 I didn’t end up at UCD.) I was the only teenager I knew who was seriously worried about getting my drivers license because, oh my god, what if I had a sneeze attack behind the wheel? I could, like, die. Wherever I went, there my allergies were, like that pesky little brother you can never get rid of ... oh wait, I had one of those too. The allergies, in the end, became kind of a badge of honor. Everyone has a bit of a martyr complex over something. I admit I get a kind of weird joy out of having the absolute worst hay fever of anyone I’ve met. “So what exactly are you allergic to?” “Oh, pretty much everything.” “Everything? Like, everything everything?” “Well; dust, hay, pollen especially, cats, dogs, eucalyptus, “taco” plants, tissues, that horrible wild mustard, umm ... mold, candles, herbal essences shampoo...” “Right, everything.” “Like I said.” The allergies have actually been good for some things. For example, they got me out of a lot of running in middle school PE. There were several sympathetic teachers who I had convinced that my allergies were precursor to asthma and anaphylaxis and they would, like, so totally be sued if they forced me to run around the field near all those bushes which were not really in bloom but still totally made my eyes water. Like, for sure. And I’m telling my mom. God, I was a whiny little bastard. But I didn’t have to run. Anyway. At the beginning of this school year, when we were moving all my stuff into the apartment, all of the packed sawdust furniture, and the dust and the stress got to me and I collapsed, wailing on my bed, forcing my Dad to finish wiring our entire apartment all by his lonesome. (Thanks Dad!) My mom ran off to get me some allergy medicine (“Oh don’t even bother, it never does any good anyway,” I said, with hand pressed dramatically to my fevered brow) and came back with Claritin D 24hr ( Hallelujah! Hallelujah!) And it ... worked! It worked! Holy sweet Jesus, it worked! And it still works. Like, its not that I don’t still have allergies. I do, and they still suck, but they are under control. I take the Claritin in the morning, before I go outside and suddenly the extra-supreme-super-de-duper-you-will-sneeze-all-over-that- really-hot-boy-in-your-history-class allergies that I usually have are just the normal unattractive sniffling allergies that most of the rest of the population deals with. It’s great, really it’s great. Well, I do kinda miss the bragging rights. I don’t, however, miss the stares, the increasingly annoyed and/or disbelieving “God bless you”’s. I don’t miss the hours spent in bed with a wet cloth over my eyes, waiting for the swelling to go down so I could get some sleep. I don’t miss the fear that I will never be able to date someone for more than 6 months because, god, I’m too disgusting to love in the Spring. I don’t miss walking the long way home to avoid the plants growing along the bike path. Thank you Claritin D 24hr! Now I can finally build that eucalyptus fort I‘ve always dreamed of. 1:34 p.m. May 15, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
Worried by The fact that I just walked upstairs and saw one of my new housemates standing on her desk chair slowly revolving in circles for no apparent reason. Good Reads
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