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Your One Stop Shop For Bad Grammer!
The Entry That I Hope My Mother Never Reads Because She Totally Taught Me Better (a.k.a. Girls Fart Too a la Drunken Bee ) You know what happens when you get four girls together in a room, right? Well, they immediately start talking about … farts. Duh. What, did you think I was going to say, “boys”? Psh. No really though. As we found out last night, it’s quite an interesting topic. Especially in relation to girl farts because girls? Are the masters at fart-masking (which I fully expect to be an Olympic sport by 2008.) Most girls (I’m talking all ages here) have trained themselves to “fart internally” as I once heard someone put it. Internal farting is a highly complicated technique, requiring years of practice whereby you allow a fart to get to a certain point along it’s well traveled route and then kind of just … suck it back in, causing it (through some unexplained law of physics) to dissipate, or at least grow easier to control. Many women also excel at, hm, what to call it … “fart-chopping”? That does have a ring to it, doesn’t it? Anyway, it’s the process by which a fart is divided internally in many little fartlets which can then be released one by one, as inconspicuously as possible, preferably while combined with technique number three. Ah, number three, the simplest technique, which is keep moving. At all costs never linger near a fart. Be walking, be moving, be animated, oh, and make sure to always leave someone behind to pin it on. We discussed ideal deal places for run-by-fartings. On the way to class seemed to be the most popular, as there are often gaps in foot traffic which allow for fartlet bombardment. There are those, of course, who say that you cannot outrun a fart. That it follows you like some type of fart ghost, clinging to your butt wafting green fumes after it in a Pepe Le Peu-like manner. These people may be right, but that doesn’t mean you have to stop trying. Another hotly debated issue was fart location. Do you have guilt if you fart on something that belongs to someone else? Is methane propelled downward by the force of a fart, or does it dissipate upwards into the air? Do you get up and go to the bathroom if you are in the middle of a crowd and need to fart? What if you are in your boyfriend’s room? Or his bed? What do you do if you are trapped in the “hot zone” of a classroom egg fart? Nowhere to run to (baby), nowhere to hide. The techniques obviously do some good because as we went around the room it came out that none of us had ever heard any of the others fart. Given that we have all lived together at some point in time that is a pretty impressive feat. Especially considering that each of us had heard our significant others (or ex’s) fart. Apparently boys have not yet mastered the techniques. Or perhaps they just don’t care to. The world may never know. In any case, I am happy to report that this blog is once again your fully functioning, one stop shop for discussion of all manner of girly grossness, great and small. Oh, and sometimes I talk about college too. 12:34 a.m. September 20, 2004
“Y’all aren’t from around here, are ya.” - August 21, 2005 |
The Many And Scary Ways They Get Here Quote of the Day
"They have lots of disturbing cross sections of animal reproductive organs"
Worried by The fact that I just walked upstairs and saw one of my new housemates standing on her desk chair slowly revolving in circles for no apparent reason. Good Reads
Tomato Nation Fun
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Copter Game Useful |
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